‘Love’ is a ‘Seashore’ for Lana & Joan!

Lana Turner tussles with Hugh O’Brian in 1965’s “Love Has Many Faces.” Joan Crawford & Jeff Chandler spar/spark in “Feminine on the Seashore.”

MGM grads Lana
Turner and Joan Crawford confronted latter day dilemmas discerning love from lust,
as cougars versus seashore boy toys, in Love
Has Many Faces and
Feminine on the
Seashore.

Lana Turner as jaded Package Jordan in “Love Has Many Faces.” Cliff Robertson as her 40-ish boy toy, to whom she’s married unhappily ever after.

Right here, these divas play robust cookies with tons
of dough. In 1965’s Love, Turner
performs Package Jordan, the richest lady
on this planet. In 1955’s Seashore,
Crawford is Lynn Markham, former Las Vegas “specialty dancer” and widow of a
wealthy “enterprise man.” Each girls are loaded (generally in each sense!) however
lonely. Lana’s Package cools her cha-cha heels in Acapulco, with seashore boys and a bevy
of Edith Head costumes. Package’s cool modifications when her most up-to-date boy washes up
on shore, an obvious suicide. Joan’s Lynn decides to maneuver in to her late
husband’s California ocean entrance pad after the tenant dies mysteriously. “Love
is skinny ice,” as Lana’s parting jewellery reward is inscribed, which describes each
of those sordid soaps.

Joan Crawford as Lynn Markham, in enterprise on prime/occasion on backside seashore put on! In “Feminine on the Seashore,” Lynn has a love/hate perspective towards Jeff Chandler’s gigolo.

In Love Has Many Faces, Lana Turner was 43
throughout filming; co-cougars Ruth Roman and Virginia Gray had been 42 and 47. Lana
will get the super-glam remedy and was additionally the very best preserved of the trio.
Nonetheless, they’re all handled like determined dames. What makes this extra absurd
is that seashore “boys” Cliff Robertson and Hugh O’ Brian had been 40 and 39.
Each had good physiques, particularly show-off O’ Brian, however they appeared a bit weathered
themselves.

Lana’s skinny, tan, and in delicate focus in “Love Has Many Faces!”

This “Feminine on the Seashore” needs you to know she’s nonetheless acquired it occurring!

In Feminine on the Seashore, Joan Crawford is
the lone cougar, with 34-ish stud Jeff Chandler promoting his wares. Joan was on
the eve of turning 49 in the course of the Seashore
shoot—if you happen to suppose she was born in 1906. Crawford reveals off her taut determine at
each flip, at instances touching herself for no obvious cause. Whereas her
magnificent face is filmed very flatteringly, Joan’s insistence on her latter
day kabuki make-up negates the impact. Apparently, each Lana and Joan sport
very cropped hair-dos of their seashore soaps—to stop bed-head?

No, your imaginative and prescient’s simply wonderful! Simply Lana getting some additional “Love” from the digicam man!

This “Feminine” is equally flatteringly photographed, however Joan’s make-up is an excessive amount of!

Stephanie Powers was age
21 throughout taking pictures of Love Has Many Faces.
She performs an harmless younger lady there to say the lifeless physique of her former
boyfriend, final seen as Lana’s newest seashore boy toy. The police and Powers need
to know if enjoyable couple Lana and Cliff had something to do with the younger man’s dying.
Powers is a smart good lady right here, so her Edith Head duds are a bit dowdy,
whereas Acapulco Lanita dazzles in her
playgirl get-ups. It’s implied that Robertson, a one-time seashore boy who married
sugar mama Lana, is age-appropriate for Powers, regardless that he was almost twice
her age in actual life.

Cub meets the cougar! Stephanie Powers & Lana Turner in “Love Has Many Faces.”

“Specialty dancer” meets the realtor! Joan Crawford & Jan Sterling, “Feminine on the Seashore.”

In Feminine on the Seashore, the one
competitors is the edgy realtor, Amy Rawlinson, performed by Jan Sterling, no
stranger to robust broads. Jan’s sullen puss at all times jogged my memory of a imply
Marilyn Monroe. Watching Joan and Jan is among the many camp highlights of
this bitchy Seashore.

Shut-up on Lana

World weary Lana Turner, with dreary Cliff Robertson, in “Love Has Many Faces.”

The principle distinction
with Love Has Many Faces from
Turner’s different latter day soaps is that Lana goes from struggling in mink to
struggling in swim put on! As with numerous Turner movies, Love performs to her off-screen repute. At this level, she had
survived the Johnny Stompanato scandal and made an enormous comeback in Imitation of Life. Turner had appeared
in numerous horny soaps enjoying up her femme fatale persona. Love was maybe the gaudiest, however the
largest was simply across the nook, Madame
X. Lana is softly lensed in Love by
MGM veteran Joseph Ruttenberg.

Lana Turner & Hugh O’Brian have a tan-off occurring in “Love Has Many Faces.”

Lana was in nice
trim, borderline skinny and tremendous tan, with platinum hair. Acapulco was
Lana’s playground on the time, so she was fairly at house within the milieu of solar
and “enjoyable.” Lana’s costumes are borderline drag queen however go well with this film simply
wonderful.

Lana Turner’s about to have a tough encounter with a bull, and I do not imply Hugh O’Brian, in “Love Has Many Faces.”

Lana postures differ
between world-weary and worrisome. This film tries to have its cake and eat
it, too. Savor the sinning, adopted by uplifting remorse! Cliff Robertson,
who suffers from vendor’s regret to Lana, is a sullen unhappy sack. Hugh O’Brian
has enjoyable along with his position of the unhealthy boy seashore boy. And he definitely does not thoughts
displaying what the nice Lord gave him. Ruth Roman’s no-nonsense wealthy broad is a
little bit of contemporary air on this salacious cleaning soap. In all of the publicity pix with Hugh O’Brian and his cougar Roman, she appears to be like
like she’s about to claw him.

Wyatt Earp by no means dressed like this! Hugh O’Brian is a cynical gigolo with a seashore bod.

The story is as slight
as Lana’s determine, however the finale is a hoot. As Cliff’s stored hubby is drawn to
Powers pure bred lady, Lana’s Package will get in a snit and lets herself get gored by
a bull… symbolism anybody? Nonetheless, there is a pleased ending for Lana in Love Has Many Faces, and that does not
imply Turner’s Package now has two navels!

Joan’s Shut-up

Joan Crawford provides Jeff Chandler her patented stare in “Feminine on the Seashore.”

In Feminine on the Seashore,
Joan Crawford’s Lynn Markham reveals as much as reclaim her seashore abode. The cops are
investigating the crime scene down on the seashore, whereas the realtor and her crew
are busily cleansing up the mess inside. That is pre-CSI/Legislation and Order, for certain. Love Joan’s facet eye because the realtor and
crew attempt to do a fast cleanup, necessitated after the final tenant’s very abrupt departure.

Greater than a fleeting look of Joan hitching up her panties to her child doll nightie!

Now Joan’s Lynn is able to greet the day! 1955’s “Feminine on the Seashore!”

As with many latter day Joan Crawford autos, her
character provides a bit speech rationalizing why she’s turn into such a troublesome
broad. Right here, Lynn tells the story of sharing a room with two different sisters—sob! She tells the seashore cop that she’s longed to
be alone in a giant home identical to her seashore digs.

Whereas Lana flaunts a Coppertone tan in her seashore cleaning soap, Joan reveals off her gams in “Feminine on the Seashore.” The serving to hand is Jeff Chandler’s!

When native gigolo Drummy wakes up Joan’s Lynn early within the
a.m, I half anticipated her to yowl, “Christopher, Tina, dammmm-it!” Jeff
Chandler’s Drummy quickly finds out that Lynn prefers her morning deep brewed flay-vah
alone!

One among many Joan’s camp traditional strains from “Feminine on the Seashore!”

After someday of intoning that she needs to be alone extra
than Garbo in Grand Lodge, Lynn’s
second night finds her lonely and bored. In her new digs, she’s moping round
in a cocktail gown with a drink, moodily listening to the film’s sultry
soundtrack. Lastly Lynn grabs her jeweled sweater and goes for a seashore stroll
in ankle strap heels, like every of us would do. Recognizing Drummy toiling on his
parked boat, she climbs aboard. After some acidic banter, they kiss, with
additional turgid dialogue.

Joan’s “specialty dancer” in slightly fancy seashore put on in “Feminine on the Seashore.”  One way or the other, I do not her “specialty” was the Charleston!

The subsequent day Lynn will get invited to dinner and playing cards by
Drummy’s older buddies. Watching Feminine on
the Seashore, I had a psychological picture of Natalie Schaefer’s husband right here performed
by Gilligan’s Island co-star Jim
Backus, as a substitute of Cecil Kellaway. Image Lovey and Thurston Howell as gigolo
pimps!

Cecil Kellaway & Natalie Schaefer as Jeff Chandler’s “associates” in “Feminine on the Seashore.”

It’s a cold beachfront morning, however Joan’s widow is clad
in solely a coat, skimpy shorts, and excessive heels! As she stokes a fireplace, a brick in
the hearth comes free. Like one thing out of Nancy Drew, Lynn pulls it
out to seek out late tenant Eloise Crandall’s diary. How does she know?  As a result of it says so, in massive block letters!
Like all outdated films, the handwriting appears to be like like over-sized cursive
workout routines. And shock, Crandall’s story of romance with Drummy appears acquainted!

Love how Jan Sterling’s realtor rushes the maid previous house proprietor Joan Crawford,  with the proof from the earlier tenant, in “Feminine on the Seashore!”

Each time Lynn fights with Drummy, she hits the bottle and
turns right into a wretched mess. After
the final time Drummy does not name, Lynn goes on a bender. She staggers round in a nightie with a Peter Pan collar
and puffed sleeves, knocks over ashtrays, and slurs insults. However the minute he calls, she’s sober and in blissfully
in love once more. Reunited, they each let down their butch hair to reveal their
sorry pasts.

Joan Crawford as plastered and pouting Lynn Markham isn’t a fairly sight in  “Feminine on The Seashore!”

Although Joan’s
“specialty dancer” was solely married to her “enterprise man” a scant
half dozen years, she did not know a lot about life when she met him… implying
that she was a shallow younger lady. Uh, Joan’s 50ish right here! Chandler’s Drummy
possesses fairly the faux scar, courtesy from his suicidal mom.

Joan Crawford’s Lynn, in her extra tender moments, with Jeff Chandler’s gigolo, in 1955’s “Feminine on the Seashore.”

Earlier than they head off
on his boat to get hitched, it is Sterling’s Amy who now will get to make a sloppy
drunken scene over Drummy. On their method, a contrived plot machine causes Joan to
mistrust her man once more. Which leads
to the climax the place latter day Joan as soon as once more goes mano-a-mano towards her
main man. The film wraps up in dime retailer novel trend and Joan does not
even get gored by a bull—except you depend Jeff Chandler!

No, Joan does not get gored by a bull in her seashore opera! “Feminine on the Seashore.”

Jeff Chandler as gigolo Drummy, the manwich for the “Feminine on the Seashore.”

Feminine on the Seashore may very well be titled The Three Faces of Joan. Joan’s Lynn is alternately: the iron-clad
widow; the boozy, suspicious lady; and the nice and cozy lady in love. Viewers
can get whiplash attempting to maintaining. However like a lot of Joan Crawford’s latter
day autos, it is simply an excuse for Joan to run by means of her best hits of
film posturing. Jeff Chandler holds his personal towards Crawford, alternately
horny and sinister. And Jeff’s a hunk of silver fox, as well.

Jeff Chandler’s Drummy, judging Joan’s selection of studying materials or hair-do? 1955’s “Feminine within the Seashore.”

Last Rating

Each Love Has Many Faces and Feminine on the Seashore are campier than
Halloween at Cher’s home, however I give Joan’s bitchy seashore cleaning soap the sting. Whereas Love has many eye-rolling moments, Seashore has so many howler strains that it’s
nearly a Carol Burnett parody of a Joan Crawford film. On a excessive camp
stage, each girls’ star autos are additionally extremely pleasing.

The winner! This “Feminine on the Seashore” will get her pleased ending!

Right here is my have a look at
Lana’s final and best comeback, Imitation
of Life:

https://ricksrealreel.blogspot.com/2017/12/imitation-of-life-1959.html

Right here
is my tackle one in every of Joan Crawford’s most sympathetic latter day roles, with
Cliff Robertson, in Autumn Leaves:

https://ricksrealreel.blogspot.com/2022/09/crawfords-latter-day-best-autumn-leaves.html

Charles Busch line: “White is, in any case, the standard shade of mourning in India.” Package Jordan & hubby Pete attend her newest boy toy’s funeral in 1965’s “Love Has Many Faces.”